CAUTION: The following writing is me being ridiculously insecure and girly. It is more a release than actual information. If you have no desire to read me complaining about a multitude of problems, DON'T BOTHER READING ANY MORE!
I am officially a prig, a prat, a dither-spaz, and any number of other things. It's rather tragic, and also makes me want to cry. So essentially there was a freshman pizza party/ get to know the other kids type night tonight. And I made a complete and utter fool of my self on SO many levels. Which basically means that as of right now, I'm looking forward to having a looooong freshman year without a best friend. Which I have to say is really intimidating, because I haven't been without a best friend since preschool, 11 long years ago. And about 9 of those years, my best friend was the same person. So I'm having some serious insecurity issues at the moment. I really need a hug. Badly.
Anyway, I was hanging out with one of my friends, Paul, (yeah, so I'll still have my St. Anne's friends, but I need other friends. Especially since all my SAES pals are boys now.) and a boy who used to go to school with us but let after 5th grade was there. I never much liked him, but seeing as he was Paul's friend in lower school, I decided I could at least try to be civil. But Paul was going to drage me over to talk to him. While on my way over, right after Paul had gotten Richard's attention, I managed to trip into a little ditch. Then, after Richy (yeah, that's what they call him now) admitted to knowing me, I scolded him for not talking to me at weight training over the summer. Once he remembered that I was indeed there and apologized for not talking to me, I told him I didn't actually care. How stupid am I? Urg!
Then I pulled a classic Emily dither-spaz meeting a new person moment. I have this nack (is that how you spell that?) for goiong totally crazy when I meet new people, and I definately did that. So this kid Thomas introduced himself to me, and he was a very nice boy. Then I proceeded to say something to the extrent of "I'm Emily. I'm crazy. In case you hadn't noticed. Anyway, this is Caroline. She's not crazy. Well, at least, not as crazy as I am, not that that's actually saying ,much seeing as I'm pretty crazy...I'm going to stop talking now." The poor kid. I'm pretty sure I terrified him. Now, all of this was in a higher, slightly hysterical-sounding voice. I always do that. I just can't make my self stop talking. Sort of like now, except I can't stop reliving it.
Someone please help me out here, tell me I'm not crazy and an absolute freak, and that I will make friends. I need a hug.
~the insecure ruler of dither-spazzes
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